dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
