Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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