I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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