I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
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