if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
