I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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