There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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