She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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