Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
