i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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