all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
