This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
