I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
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