Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
