she was so not down for the gang bang
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
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