He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
