Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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