My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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