She's JV to your varsity
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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