I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
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