When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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