i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
