I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
