i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
