just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
