I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
