What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
