why didn't you poke me back
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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