i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.