I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
25 Men Confess The Moment They Knew They Wanted To Marry Their Wife
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
You Wouldn’t Guess That These 25 Celebrities Are Complete A**holes
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground