i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.