take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM