You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
ttyl tear gas
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.