I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Pants are for mortals
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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