sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
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Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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