life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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