i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
