You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
