Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
wat bout pragnant strippers??
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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