You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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