its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
