I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Found the puke drawer
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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