they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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