see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
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