Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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