so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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