I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Randomize
