I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize