He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
