So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
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