I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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