Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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