The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
