I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
