Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
