i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
