Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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