I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
