so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
