dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Randomize
