I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Randomize
