Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
