I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
