His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Randomize
