I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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