She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
