Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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