did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I would ride that face into the sunset
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize
