then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
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