NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
